I Wanna Be A Hooker

and by that, of course, I mean a master of crochet
I want so badly to crochet &/or knit, I want to squee when I see squishy yarns, and make a stash of more than practice acrylic, I wanna be part of the fun!! And I want to be able to do my thing anywhere/everywhere, taking it with me, do it during commercials, waiting in lines, and I want to make things for people that need things, like hats for the homeless, and gifts for friends. I feel like I'm in jr. high or something, I really want to be part of the club!
I have family members that could teach me, but I didn't want to bother them. I bought the I-taught-myself-to-crochet book kit, the pictures make me seasick. But I know in my heart I am meant to be a hooker, sorry Mom, I mean crocheter.
Last week or so, I got to thinking more about crocheting, and I came to a couple conclusions: I know the basics of what it looks like doing it, I've done some stitches before, I know what it is supposed to look like when it's done, the part I haven't been able to grasp is the learning-it-how-I-am-supposed-to-learn-it part.
So I decided that maybe I'd just pretend I knew how to do it, and practice from that. I happened to be at work when this powerful urge came over me, and I happened to have a hook there, with my knifty knitting supplies, so on my break I took apart a ribbon bow, and started crocheting with it. A chain turned into a ring turned into a tiny little circle, and I had to tape one end of ribbon to the next to keep going. And the glitter off the ribbon got all over everywhere.
At home, I pulled out a different hook, and some purple practice acrylic and started something similar. I've worked on it at commercials, and pretended I knew what I was doing, and I almost had a coaster.
Tonight, I went to My Guy's work to watch the season premier of LOST with him, and I took my portable project with me, in a cute felt tote with a penguin that I got for my birthday. I was working along, and all-of-sudden, I did something by accident, just because it felt natural, and I had figured out a completely different stitch than the one I was doing. It was very cool, but turned my coaster into a hacky sack.
I have no idea what the things I am doing are called. I have no idea how to make what I am doing turn into what I am trying to make. But I'm doing it. The rest will come later. And maybe I'll see if Gramma will give me a few pointers.